I've been holding my tongue on this topic as well for quite awhile, but I just went through this whole incident with the best looking and most physically talented mare I'll ever own.
This horse would turn rank, in an instant with NO warning, piled me more than once and hurt me and I rode her through it lots too with some royal lickings to let her know that I was NOT happy with this behaviour. It boiled down to a lack of respect and more importantly trust between the 2 of us. And it only got worse as the years went by (I tried to work on this for 3 years). She would be fine if she was put to work (and you can not find a sweeter horse on the ground), but in a pressure situation or a pleasure ride where her brain was overloaded or could run wild, she would come uncorked out of the blue. It got to the point where I could control what would happen and know her triggers (just like you claim katav) but I realized that this horse was no pleasure to ride and due to the lack of respect and trust would NEVER reach her full potential with me. I finally let go of the beautiful, talented horse and my dreams for her and sold her for $1000 to the guy who started her and will put her and her active mind to HARD work on his cattle ranch.
You sound JUST like me katav when this started with my mare and believe me I wish you the best of luck, but if the chemistry is not there and the respect and most importantly the trust both ways, this is not going to end the way you're dreaming of and I just pray to God that you don't get seriously hurt... or worse.
There are LOTS of horses out there that you could be putting all this time and effort into that WANT to work for you, respect and trust you, and you could then sit back and reap the rewards, rather than play the waiting game (remember 3 years in my case) hoping that things will work out.
Best of luck and stay safe more than anything, no horse no matter how beautiful and talented is worth your life!